Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
