His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
