i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
