Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
