i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
