there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
