So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
