mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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