Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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