brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
