My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
