whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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