peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
