Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
