you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
