I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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