so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
