i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
