Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm like, not good at living.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
