I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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