i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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