Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
