Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
