sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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