If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
