I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
