im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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