hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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