i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
