I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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