Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
