my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
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He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
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He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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