we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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