Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
