Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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