Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
