I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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