very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
