My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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