don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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