Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
