Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
