sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
