I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
