Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
