OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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