just tell him i said nine months
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
