Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
