I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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