I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
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His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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