well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
