And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
