bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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