I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
