she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
