Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she told me i tasted like america
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
