im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
