bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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