My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
