You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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