i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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