We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
