We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
