I accidentally burped into my bong.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
