You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
