I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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