Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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