We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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