Where did you get a picture of my penis
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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