I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
