Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
