I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
