dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
