I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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