Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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