I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize