Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Everything about him screamed your future.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
