mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
