let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize