sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
