I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
