very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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