i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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