you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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