ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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