Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize