Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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