where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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