You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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