I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This is the high leading the old right now
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
