Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
