When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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