The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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